THIS IS ALL GOING AS SPOILERS
this is highly graphic and contains a backstory of my life
do not continue if you don't want to be traumatized lol
welp I warned you
(making this so I don't have to do it in the morning)
so I have a (nother) confession
I am ofc L4v4 or Lava
I'm sorry for pretending to be something I'm not
imanoober said that he was jealous of my life but... he doesn't know me
it all started when I was born
my dad was abusive to my mom and she broke up with him. I almost died as a baby. my dad never wanted a boy anyway
my dads dad (my grandfather) abused my dad, he didn't want to have boys so that he couldn't make the same mistake his father did. a couple rough years later I turned 13, my uncle (heart attack) and aunt (suicide) died that year and my mom has been married to a man for a while. I still don't like my stepdad. he doesn't like me. I tried running away a couple times because of some things I won't say. I've been depressed for some time (bout a year) and have thought about offing myself. I'm okay with my dad now. he has improved a lot and he is a good father to me. I have taken therapy to get my mindset right. I hit the gym almost every day and play sports. I try to make my day as fun as possible and try to distract myself from how I feel, I feel as though I'm not good enough for any one. I feel like I'm lying all the time and just burying myself in deceit. i'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed adhd. 2 of my brothers is autistic and my only sister is ADHD. I have diagnosed hearing loss. I don't wear hearing aids because I think they look dumb and people will make fun of me because of them, I want to be normal so I don't try to talk to my parents about having adhd. I don't even want to have ADHD. I have lots of friends and stuff ig but I feel like they are all fake and I'm just lying to them. I have mental issues like anger problems and stuff but I try not to be mad (I have like 20 holes in my walls from punching them so much). anyway, the real reason and the only reason I wasn't here yesterday is because I tried to off myself. I just felt like I was constantly pretending to be okay and I just didn't feel myself. I'm trying to be more honest with myself and others. If I'm sorry I'll say I'm sorry. I mean everything I say. again this is L4v4 speaking a 15 yr old in high school who's just trying to be a better person. yeah I'm still depressed but I feel better now that I have it off my chest. sorry if this is against forum policy. yoshi made something similar but idk if mine is as worse as his.
P.S. the things my stepdad said WERE really that bad, I don't think they are really safe to just put out there
IF THIS NEEDS TO BE DELETED I WILL DELETE IT
EDIT: I'm not doing this for pity, I just want everyone to know why I am the way I am
